Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I deserve this hangover.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
