WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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