Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
