I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
