we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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