shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone signed my nipple.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
