Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
