I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
