kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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