Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
me + whiskey = a bad person
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize