who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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