PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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