He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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