are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
