Already got asked if we're dating
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
