just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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