When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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