So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize