looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
