You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
