Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
