I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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