I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
