and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
please come you make the beer taste better
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize