I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize