Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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