PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i drank out of a bidet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
