dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
