i may or may not be watching the land before time
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
