i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
