dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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