Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I won the penis lottery.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Randomize
