i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
