yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
