please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize