you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
