Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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