No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
