How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
