careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My balls are so social today.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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