Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize