At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
