After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
