the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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