This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know her cup size but not her name....
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