and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
