Cold hands, warm shart.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
