Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
