I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
