highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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