i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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