I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
