The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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