just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So vagazzling was a success
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
