My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
