I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
