Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
