Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
