my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
