i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
