Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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