my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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