i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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