i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
