he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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