she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
